someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You took a bar mat shot.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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