We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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