We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
