Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
