I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
