Got a toothbrush?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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