His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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