cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
