i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
