But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
