Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
