i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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