Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
