I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
