Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
