she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
