don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
