I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
