hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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