I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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