Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
