I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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