he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
