Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
