Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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