I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
