looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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