Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
