i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You need Xanax blowdarts
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
