I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
