I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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