Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
