peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Someone shattered a urinal.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
