my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
