Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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