Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
