ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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