You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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