Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
