Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
