bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
