I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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