just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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