So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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