Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
