so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
