dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
