She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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