what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
