i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
