when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
