guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
